Saturday
The Ten Keys To Perfect Partnership
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Ambigamy
Insights for the deeply romantic and deeply skeptical.
by Jeremy Sherman, Ph.D.
1. Find a good enough partner and be 100% committed, even married.
2. Play hard but don’t ever hurt each other. Not even by mistake.
3. If hurt by mistake ignore it. If hurt on purpose ignore it.
4. Be with a partner who is fair enough, and then ignore fairness altogether. Never discuss fairness.
5. Allow yourself to appear to be bullied, bumped, pushed around and humiliated, but never interpret it that way. Keep your pride, hold your temper and don’t retaliate. Be robust to perturbation. Signal your healthy inflexibilities through equanimity not fierceness.
6. In contrast be hypersensitive to your partner’s vulnerabilities. Remember that life is short and that he or she, like all of us, was a vulnerable, disoriented, hopeful uncertain baby in diapers mere days ago.
7. Don’t be, or be with a partner who tends to claim moral high ground. Frame requests as preferences not moral edicts. If you discover yourself claiming the moral high ground, descend off that elevation as briskly and quietly as possible. No one is pope or even bishop. Shed those vestments, even the ones you claim you've earned through spotting other people's vestments.
8. Remember always that no one ever gets the last word on anything. Every act of moral policing can be policed. Every anti-manipulation crusade readily becomes the next, higher-level manipulation crusade. Uplevelsmanship is futile. Partner with someone who understands this too.
9. Remember how rarely people surrender when called to task. Scolding may occasionally generate surface apologies but actually it makes us dig in our heels. You may get the last spoken word, but you’ll never get your partner’s mind to stop churning with resentment for you getting it. Surrender readily and don’t try to get others to surrender. Don’t confuse with or be confused by false claims of open-minded receptivity. We all can take only so much critical feedback.
10. Minimize practical, logistical and financial sources of chaffing. Then don't monitor for fairness the remaining chaffing.
Read whole article here: The Ten Keys To Perfect Partnership
Insights for the deeply romantic and deeply skeptical.
by Jeremy Sherman, Ph.D.
1. Find a good enough partner and be 100% committed, even married.
2. Play hard but don’t ever hurt each other. Not even by mistake.
3. If hurt by mistake ignore it. If hurt on purpose ignore it.
4. Be with a partner who is fair enough, and then ignore fairness altogether. Never discuss fairness.
5. Allow yourself to appear to be bullied, bumped, pushed around and humiliated, but never interpret it that way. Keep your pride, hold your temper and don’t retaliate. Be robust to perturbation. Signal your healthy inflexibilities through equanimity not fierceness.
6. In contrast be hypersensitive to your partner’s vulnerabilities. Remember that life is short and that he or she, like all of us, was a vulnerable, disoriented, hopeful uncertain baby in diapers mere days ago.
7. Don’t be, or be with a partner who tends to claim moral high ground. Frame requests as preferences not moral edicts. If you discover yourself claiming the moral high ground, descend off that elevation as briskly and quietly as possible. No one is pope or even bishop. Shed those vestments, even the ones you claim you've earned through spotting other people's vestments.
8. Remember always that no one ever gets the last word on anything. Every act of moral policing can be policed. Every anti-manipulation crusade readily becomes the next, higher-level manipulation crusade. Uplevelsmanship is futile. Partner with someone who understands this too.
9. Remember how rarely people surrender when called to task. Scolding may occasionally generate surface apologies but actually it makes us dig in our heels. You may get the last spoken word, but you’ll never get your partner’s mind to stop churning with resentment for you getting it. Surrender readily and don’t try to get others to surrender. Don’t confuse with or be confused by false claims of open-minded receptivity. We all can take only so much critical feedback.
10. Minimize practical, logistical and financial sources of chaffing. Then don't monitor for fairness the remaining chaffing.
Read whole article here: The Ten Keys To Perfect Partnership
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Friday
The Negative Effect of Texting
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"Texting through mobile phones has a negative impact on a person’s linguistic ability to interpret and accept new words. A survey on university students about their reading habits, including text messaging, showed that those who texted more were less accepting of new words. On the other hand, those who read more traditional printed media such as books,newspapers and magazines were more accepting of the same words."
"Reading traditional print media encourages flexibility in language use and tolerance of different words,and helps readers to develop skills that allow them to generate interpretable readings of new or unusual words. In contrast, texting is associated with rigid linguistic constraints."
February 20, 2012 in Psychology Nuggets
Psychology of Robert Nesta Marley "Bob Marley"
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Bob Marley - Early Life
Bob Marley was born Robert Nesta Marley on February 6, 1945. Bob was born to Cedella Marley when she was 18. Bob's early life was spent in rural community of Nine Miles, nestled in the mountainous terrain of the parish of St. Ann. Residents of Nine Miles have preserved many customs derived from their African ancestry especially the art of storytelling as a means of sharing the past and time-tested traditions that are oftentimes overlooked in official historical sources. The proverbs, fables and various chores associated with rural life that were inherent to Bob's childhood would provide a deeper cultural context and an aura of mysticism to his adult songwriting.Norval and Cedella married in 1945 but Captain Marley's family strongly disapproved of their union; although the elder Marley provided financial support, the last time Bob Marley saw his father was when he was five years old; at that time, Norval took his son to Kingston to live with his nephew, a businessman, and to attend school. Eighteen months later Cedella learned that Bob wasn't going to school and was living with an elderly couple. Alarmed, she went to Kingston, found Bob and brought him home to Nine Miles.
Bob Marley begins his music career
The next chapter in the Bob Marley biography commenced in the late 1950s when Bob, barely into his teens, left St. Ann and returned to Jamaica's capital. He eventually settled in the western Kingston vicinity of Trench Town, so named because it was built over a sewage trench. A low-income community comprised of squatter-settlements and government yards developments that housed a minimum of four families, Bob Marley quickly learned to defend himself against Trench Town's rude boys and bad men. Bob's formidable street-fighting skills earned him the respectful nickname Tuff Gong.
Despite the poverty, despair and various unsavory activities that sustained some ghetto dwellers, Trench Town was also a culturally rich community where Bob Marley's abundant musical talents were nurtured. A lifelong source of inspiration, Bob immortalized Trench Town in his songs "No Woman No Cry" (1974), "Trench Town Rock" (1975) and "Trench Town", the latter released posthumously in 1983.
By the early 1960s the island's music industry was beginning to take shape, and its development gave birth to an indigenous popular Jamaican music form called ska. A local interpretation of American soul and R&B, with an irresistible accent on the offbeat, ska exerted a widespread influence on poor Jamaican youth while offering a welcomed escape from their otherwise harsh realities. Within the burgeoning Jamaican music industry, the elusive lure of stardom was now a tangible goal for many ghetto youths.
Uncertain about the prospects of a music career for her son, Cedella encouraged Bob to pursue a trade. When Bob left school at 14 years old she found him a position as a welder's apprentice, which he reluctantly accepted. After a short time on the job a tiny steel splinter became embedded in Bob's eye. Following that incident, Bob promptly quit welding and solely focused on his musical pursuits.
At 16 years old Bob Marley met another aspiring singer Desmond Dekker, who would go on to top the UK charts in 1969 with his single "Israelites". Dekker introduced Marley to another young singer, Jimmy Cliff, future star of the immortal Jamaican film "The Harder They Come", who, at age 14, had already recorded a few hit songs. In 1962 Cliff introduced Marley to producer Leslie Kong; Marley cut his first singles for Kong: "Judge Not", "Terror" and "One More Cup of Coffee", a cover of the million selling country hit by Claude Gray. When these songs failed to connect with the public, Marley was paid a mere $20.00, an exploitative practice that was widespread during the infancy of Jamaica's music business. Bob Marley reportedly told Kong he would make a lot of money from his recordings one day but he would never be able to enjoy it. Years later, when Kong released a best of The Wailers compilation against the group's wishes, he suffered a fatal heart attack at age 37.
Cognitive Personality Theory
One of the theories that best explain Marley’s personality traits is the cognitive-social theory. This theory requires several conditions to take place for certain personality behaviors to occur. “The person must encode the current situation as relevant, endow the situation with personal meaning or value, believe performing the behavior will lead to the desired outcome, believe she/he has the ability to perform it, have the ability to carry out the behavior, and regulate ongoing activity in a way that leads toward fulfilling the goal” (Kowalski & Westen, 2005, p. 435). Bob Marley unknowingly encompassed all of the criteria set forth by the cognitive research. He believed peace and love were of specific importance in life, and thus extremely relevant. He very much believed such situations of life were personal, global, and carried significant value. He knew if he could spread the word of love and peace it would take hold, and the world would be a better place. Marley did not just believe he had the ability to make a change, he knew it. He carried out the behaviors of peace, love, and several other personality traits in his everyday life. By doing so, he very much controlled and regulated his everlasting optimism.
Humanistic Existential Approach
According to the humanistic existential approaches to psychology, “people have no fixed nature and must essentially create themselves” (Kowalski & Westen, 2005, p. 450). This theory best explains Bob Marley’s behavior, for if he did not create himself to be the man he was, then he would have been no one. As a young child, Marley was quiet, shy, uninterested, and hesitant. It was not until his teen years when Bunny encouraged in his musical talents that he emerged from nature for which he had grown accustomed. Marley in his teenage years started to create the man that the world came to know and love. He created himself an iconic image after shedding his previously worn personality. Becoming something from which he was considered nothing, pushing his religious, political, and personal beliefs to the forefront of his life and what he embodied. Without the ability to create himself a new person with views, emotions, beliefs, and stand for peace and love, he would not be who he is today.
Reference Page
(2010). Bobmarley.com. Retrieved from http://web.bobmarley.com/story/?storypage=1
Edgar Allan Poe's psychology: The raven
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War of the Mind in Edgar Allen Poe’s
“The Raven”
“The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe is wrought with symbolism of the mind, specifically the subconscious and the conscious aspects of Mind. The poem is an interesting one, in the sense that one can argue that the events of the piece are not happening to the narrator himself, but rather, within him, specifically, within his mind. This is reminiscent of Poe’s poem “The Haunted Palace,” where the mind is described as “monarch Thought’s dominion”, and hair is described as banners, and the mouth painted as “pearl and ruby glowing”, from which thoughts flow. Perhaps “The Raven” is also describing the dominions and outpourings of a deranged and depressed mind. Click here to read whole article.
“The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe is wrought with symbolism of the mind, specifically the subconscious and the conscious aspects of Mind. The poem is an interesting one, in the sense that one can argue that the events of the piece are not happening to the narrator himself, but rather, within him, specifically, within his mind. This is reminiscent of Poe’s poem “The Haunted Palace,” where the mind is described as “monarch Thought’s dominion”, and hair is described as banners, and the mouth painted as “pearl and ruby glowing”, from which thoughts flow. Perhaps “The Raven” is also describing the dominions and outpourings of a deranged and depressed mind. Click here to read whole article.
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